God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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