Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
