So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
