somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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