oh god the rape fog is back!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
