I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
