I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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