You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
