He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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