did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is Oprah even human
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
