A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
