I hate your face
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
