getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
