He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
