How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
