So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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