Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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