so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
