I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I want a musical about memes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
