wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
