I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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