What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
