She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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