The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
