and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
