real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
