I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
