So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
