I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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