Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We have so much sex to catch up on
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The power of my boobs compel you
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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