woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
