i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
