is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
