Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
