Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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