i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
