normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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