she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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