I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
