OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
