My room smells like vodka and shame
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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