I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He kissed a someone with a penis
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
