@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
