Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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