The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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