it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
