I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
