My room smells like vodka and shame
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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