I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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