I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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