No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
