i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
