I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
