It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
