im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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