the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
nutella sex= disaster
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
