Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize