fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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