ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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