Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Can I color on your dick again?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
