Little spoons don't ask big questions
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
