Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
