Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
