If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
