dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
