There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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