BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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