ya dads aren't the best wingmen
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
