If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
