this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
