Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
